Love Frog...

A beautiful, well endowed, young lady goes to her local pet store insearch of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a boxfull of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only Rs. 200 each! Money BackGuarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

"The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her andwhispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The manpackages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully.

"The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she takes out theinstructions and reads them carefully. She does exactly what isspecified:

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice perfume.

3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.

4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you. Allow the frog tofollow its training.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise,nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at thispoint. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of thepaper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call thepet store.

"So, the lady calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaintsearlier today. I'll be right over.

"Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The lady welcomes himin and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructionsand the damn thing just sits there.

"The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly intoits eyes and sternly says:

"Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
                                                             

Arrested for laughing

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...... She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why heacted in such a manner.His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.' The case was dismissed!                                                              

Axis Bank- UTI Bank- Home Loan- Hidden Charges and Frauds

This post is to enlighten people who are about to take home loan for the first time and do not know the intracacies involved in financing.

I had a bitter experience with Axis Bank (formely UTI Bank) but in the process I came to know the nuances involved and how strong reaction/followup can really prevent the dejection on the customer end.

To start with Me and my wife visited a newly launched property in Indirapuram. Axis, HDFC, BoB and ICICI was pre-approved banks. My need was maximum financing of 90%. I was not aware about any charges and hence was curious about knowing from various vendors. All banks except Axis Bank told me that as per RBI Guidelines it would not be possible for them to finance 90% but they can try anywhere above 85% based on profile. Also processing charges was Rs. 5618 and apart from there was absolutely no hidden charges.

An agent from Axis Bank studied my profile and assured me that he would give 90% and Rs. 5618 would be charged as processing charges. I was bit amazed but then with free insurance and other stuff I thought to give Axis Bank a try as they said YES to all my conditions.

2 weeks passed by and one fine day i reeived my sanctioned letter. Two points attracted me to sanction letter. First the max limit approved was about 92% based on my profile (by the way this is the upper cap and not the disbursal amount). Second and most shocking was 1% processing fee which was not told to me earlier. To make the matter worse they encashed my Rs. 5618/- cheque also.

After sanction letter they called me up and told me that they could provide only 89% finance and 1% processing fee is mandatory (which was about 30k in my case).

I took a back seat and said since the retracted on both conditions and hence I am not interested in taking loan. More disheartening was the fact that they had gone back on their commitments and I had no faith left in the bank.

Sensing my hard attitude they asked to agree on 89% and to mention in the sanction letter that Rs. 5618/- would be the charges and I wont pay more than that.

After much persuasion I agreed on 89% and Rs. 5618/-. They made me sign all documents and took all papers.

After a week I got another call and gave me two options

1) Agree on 85% and charges of Rs. 5618/- or
2) Agree on 89% and charges of Rs. 30,000.

I was in trouble as they already taken 30 days of 45 days in which payment has to be deposited with builder and on top of it they were not returning the papers too when I told them that I am not interested.

I raised my voice to all levels and since trust was broken my point was clear" I dont want to deal with Axis Bank". To add an insult to injury they were not returning my paper and kept on delaying it. I was not told whom to contact and they stopped to answer my calls too.

Since it was end of month one fine day they called my up and told me that my loan is approved on 89% and Rs. 5618/- as processing charges at 11%. I said NO and that I am no more interested. My plan was to engage HDFC as I was fed up of people of Axis and from their attitude of keeping people in ransom.

They tried to convince me but I asked them to give my papers. Finally I was asked to collect it from Aruna Asif Ali brach in delhi but when I visited that place at 10 in morning I was told that my loan has already been disbursed.

I objected to sanction and told them to give me back my papers. The co-ordinator told me that loan is disbursed and in order to cancel it I have to pay interest charges. This made me angry and I started to question the bank on almost everything. On other end I was told that DSA involved has declined any sort of conversation and on top of that he is asking me to show up the papers where i has declined the disbursement.

After 4 hours and much I waiting I banged into conference room to talk to their Head (by the way no one from Axis Bank was allowing me to meet him). Head was good enough to give his time immediately. I explained the whole case and the owner of DSA was also called there.

The Head of Retail asset branch at aruna asaf ali branch then studied my case from all scenarios and assured me that nothing will happen from now on. He told me that 89% at 11% charges with Rs. 5618/- is final and that nothing would be asked from now.

Since head was saying that I finally agreed and came back home. But the main point still remains "even though the head of retail asset assured me that processing fee of Rs. 5618/- would be final, it has been 10 days and I have still not recived the same in written format as was agreed by him".

I am not sure of next step but I am prepared to take it to conclusion.

PS.- Names have not been reveled as I strongly believe that its the system which has a problem rather than individual people. People are merely means to a process established by an organization which is Axis Bank in this case.

Leave your comments in case you have doubts.