Humor - Joke - One fat guy

One fat guy - goes to a
popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym
guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the
first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead
him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
ladders and tell him to wait a minute.
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and
out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying
" If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up
speed.
Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down
the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's
about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes
the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure
enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.
"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door
when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.

"If I catch you, you're mine ."                                                              

Love Frog...

A beautiful, well endowed, young lady goes to her local pet store insearch of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a boxfull of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only Rs. 200 each! Money BackGuarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

"The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her andwhispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The manpackages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully.

"The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she takes out theinstructions and reads them carefully. She does exactly what isspecified:

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice perfume.

3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.

4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you. Allow the frog tofollow its training.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise,nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at thispoint. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of thepaper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call thepet store.

"So, the lady calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaintsearlier today. I'll be right over.

"Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The lady welcomes himin and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructionsand the damn thing just sits there.

"The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly intoits eyes and sternly says:

"Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
                                                             

Humor Joke- Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.

The problem was who should get custody of the child????

Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody." The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?"

The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.

"Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"

Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"

Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"

Frustrated Judge: "Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."                                                              

Funny-Family Problem

There is no *way to* happiness, *happiness* is the way.
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.
We call this arranged marriage.I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.. !!                                                              

Enthusiastic Salesman

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
" Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady