Punchlines- A must for all Husbands

Some punchlines which when said in an appropriate manner would do the wonders. Try them out and see the difference

You look wonderful!

Let me know if I can do anything to help or make you feel better.

Can I get you anything?

Maybe you should rest.

Take it easy/take a break.

Go for a walk.

You'll feel better soon.

Hang in there.

Once you get past this, things will be much better.

Just think of all the good things ahead.


                                                             

This is what we call Deadlock.. :-)

*Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.



Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.



Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let's spend the week together.



Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.



Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have classes 'coz my teacher is busy. Let's spend the week together.



Grandpa (the 1st boss ;) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.



Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.



Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together; my wife has cancelled her trip.



Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.



Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.



Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement*.

                                                             

Email Forwards- A Thank to everyone

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004 & 2005, 2006 and 2007.


Because of your kindness:


I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet stains.


I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.


I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.


I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo.


I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.


When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.


I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)


My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.


Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc.. Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

You can add your own comments based on your similar experience and send them to your friends.

Meanwhile lets see how innovative you can get and tell your experiences to continue this thread. Please add your comments and I will publish it with you name




                                                             

Gather Success

Alvin Phang a fellow blogger is has a site called Gather Success. Main focus of site is to Make Money Online and this site has an all important information. Do visit this site to get some nice tips for your blog




                                                             

Entire team at slips- 9 slips used by bowler - Rare Pictures

The Bowler is Denis Lillee

October 23, 1999- Ausvs Zim-- Waugh set a new one day international record during Fleming's final over. Fleming Bowled to David Mutendera, when he set the entire field in the slip cordon.

                                                             

County Cricket- Twenty20 cup is coming right after IPL

For all cricket fans a good news- Right after IPL there would be Twenty20 Fixtures in England- County Cricket which would start on June11th 2008 and the finals would be on 26th July 2008. Each day would be action packed with about 9 matches in a single day on different days.

The fixture List is given at Twenty20cup.co.uk site.

2008 Twenty20 Cup Fixtures

Wednesday, June 11th 2008
Leicestershire v Lancashire Grace Road
Somerset v Northamptonshire Taunton
Kent v Sussex Canterbury
Hampshire v Middlesex The Rose Bowl
Glamorgan v Warwickshire Cardiff
Durham v Derbyshire Riverside
Surrey v Essex The Brit Oval


Thursday, June 12th 2008
Yorkshire v Derbyshire Headingley Carnegie
Middlesex v Essex Lord's
Worcestershire v Gloucestershire New Road


Friday, June 13th 2008
Sussex v Hampshire Hove
Yorkshire v Nottinghamshire Headingley Carnegie
Surrey v Kent The Brit Oval
Northamptonshire v Worcestershire Northampton
Glamorgan v Somerset Cardiff
Derbyshire v Lancashire Derby
Gloucestershire v Warwickshire Bristol
Leicestershire v Durham
Grace Road


Saturday, June 14th 2008
Hampshire v Kent The Rose Bowl
Nottinghamshire v Durham Trent Bridge
Somerset v Warwickshire Taunton


Sunday, June 15th 2008
Gloucestershire v Northamptonshire Bristol
Lancashire v Leicestershire Old Trafford
Glamorgan v Worcestershire Cardiff
Derbyshire v Yorkshire Chesterfield
Essex v Middlesex Chelmsford
Surrey v Sussex The Brit Oval


Monday, June 16th 2008
Kent v Hampshire Canterbury
Nottinghamshire v Derbyshire Trent Bridge
Middlesex v Surrey Lord's


Tuesday, June 17th 2008
Worcestershire v Warwickshire New Road
Sussex v Essex Hove
Somerset v Glamorgan Taunton
Northamptonshire v Gloucestershire Milton Keynes
Lancashire v Durham Old Trafford
Leicestershire v Yorkshire Grace Road


Wednesday, June 18th 2008
Glamorgan v Gloucestershire Cardiff
Surrey v Hampshire The Brit Oval
Yorkshire v Lancashire Headingley Carnegie
Durham v Nottinghamshire Riverside
Essex v Kent Chelmsford


Thursday, June 19th 2008
Middlesex v Sussex Lord's
Northamptonshire v Warwickshire Milton Keynes
Nottinghamshire v Leicestershire Trent Bridge
Worcestershire v Somerset New Road


Friday, June 20th 2008
Lancashire v Yorkshire Old Trafford
Somerset v Gloucestershire Taunton
Kent v Middlesex Beckenham
Hampshire v Sussex The Rose Bowl
Essex v Surrey Chelmsford
Durham v Leicestershire Riverside
Derbyshire v Nottinghamshire Derby
Warwickshire v Worcestershire Edgbaston
Glamorgan v Northamptonshire Cardiff


Sunday, June 22nd 2008
Middlesex v Hampshire Richmond
Northamptonshire v Glamorgan Northampton
Yorkshire v Durham Headingley Carnegie
Warwickshire v Gloucestershire Edgbaston
Sussex v Surrey Hove
Nottinghamshire v Lancashire Trent Bridge
Kent v Essex Beckenham
Derbyshire v Leicestershire Derby
Somerset v Worcestershire Taunton


Monday, June 23rd 2008
Hampshire v Surrey The Rose Bowl
Lancashire v Derbyshire Old Trafford


Tuesday, June 24th 2008
Middlesex v Kent Uxbridge
Gloucestershire v Glamorgan Bristol
Leicestershire v Nottinghamshire Grace Road
Essex v Sussex Chelmsford
Warwickshire v Somerset Edgbaston
Worcestershire v Northamptonshire New Road
Durham v Yorkshire Riverside


Wednesday, June 25th 2008
Kent v Surrey Canterbury
Lancashire v Nottinghamshire Old Trafford
Hampshire v Essex The Rose Bowl
Gloucestershire v Worcestershire Bristol
Derbyshire v Durham Derby
Sussex v Middlesex Hove


Thursday, June 26th 2008
Yorkshire v Leicestershire Headingley Carnegie
Northamptonshire v Somerset Northampton
Warwickshire v Glamorgan Edgbaston


Friday, June 27th 2008
Surrey v Middlesex The Brit Oval
Worcestershire v Glamorgan New Road
Warwickshire v Northamptonshire Edgbaston
Sussex v Kent Hove
Nottinghamshire v Yorkshire Trent Bridge
Leicestershire v Derbyshire Grace Road
Gloucestershire v Somerset Bristol
Durham v Lancashire Riverside
Essex v Hampshire Chelmsford


Monday, July 7th 2008 - Quarter Finals
tba vs tba
tba
tba vs tba
tba


Tuesaday, July 8th 2008 - Quarter Finals
tba vs tba
tba


Wednesday, July 9th 2008 - Quarter Finals
tba vs tba
tba


Saturday, July 26th 2008 - Finals Day
Semi Final 1 The Rose Bowl
Semi Final 2 The Rose Bowl
2008 Twenty20 Cup Final The Rose Bowl

You can also see the Power Rankings along with information on each team

Below is the ranking
1 Leicestershire Foxes

2 Somerset Sabres

3 Surrey Brown Caps

4 Warwickshire Bears

5 Lancashire Lightning

6 Glamorgan Dragons

7 Gloucestershire Gladiators

8 Worcestershire Royals

9 Northamptonshire Steelbacks

10 Nottinghamshire Outlaws

11 Yorkshire Phoenix

12 Kent Spitfires

13 Hampshire Hawks

14 Middlesex Crusaders

15 Sussex Sharks

16 Essex Eagles

17 Derbyshire Phantoms

18 Durham Dynamos

Enjoy the matches and let the Twenty20 craze never die out


                                                             

Cricket Facts

---If you can figure out what this is,you will know who was responsible?
1 N N 0 N N N3 N 3 0 N N 1 N 0
Curtly Ambrose Longest over in Test Cricket, bowled by Curtly Ambrose during the Perth Test in 1996-97


-----Ronald Holder b Kumble was the first Bowled dismisal which was referred to third umpire, Hero Cup Final 1993/94. Shoaib Mallik was the first batsman to be dismissed LBW with the help of the third umpire, Vaas was the bowler then. And Sachin was the first batsman to be given run out by a third umpire, Jonty Rhodes was the fielder.


                                                             

Husband and wife

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she
used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the
family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told
him there is a simple informal test the husband could
perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her
hearing loss. Here's what you do," said the Doctor,
"stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal
conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If
not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you
get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking
dinner, and he washing the den. He says to himself,
"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about
30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about
20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for
dinner?"
Again he gets no response so, He walks up to the
kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story:
The problem may not be with the other one as we always
think, could be very much within us..!                                                              

Thought of the day : Ek Gadha

Ek Gadha:- Yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.

Dusara Gadha:- To tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata par yahan future bada bright hai ... malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik kahta hai, "Teri shaadi gadhe se kar dunga...!"

Bas isi ummeed me baitha hoon........

Keeping Hopes may not improve your future, but it will certainly reduce the pain of Today !!!
                                                             

PRICELESS WORDS

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,



"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - "PRICELESS "


There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy..........                                                              

Irish Blonde

Irish Blonde


An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino
and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the
dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude.'



With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the
dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'



As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'



She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her
winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The
dealers stared at each other dumb founded.



Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'



The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were
watching.'



MORAL OF THE STORY



Not all Irish are stupid; not all blondes are dumb; but
all men are men.                                                              

Virgin Mobile- Get Paid for Incoming

Virgin Mobile- Get Paid for Incoming. This is new buzzword in Indian Markets. Virgin Mobile has made a stylish entry with never before offer from any operator. While you get paid a meagre sum but in recent days I have seen many people switching their operator just because they want to stay with stylish brand.

The pull is not because of what they pay but because of the brand they want to be associated with. Virgin Mobile is up for making history. Go to their website or participate by clicking on them and you will host of prizes to be won. And the greatest pull is that in future also they would come with many irresistible offers. So the buzzword is to get associated with virgin mobile and be on course. It depicts youth and naughty nature and yes who in India would not like to have their traits.

Hats off to Virgin mobile ad campaign especially the traffic cop ad. Its history in making and its nice to be associated with it.                                                              

Sify Mall and FirstAndSecond - Delay in servicing orders (Part 2)

You must be wondering what happened afterwards.

Well Sify Immediately informed me that they don't have the book in the stock and reversed the payment in next 5 days.

FirstandSecond is worst and has not responded to my queries. Also calling their office has not helped. Its been more than 1 month that their is no information on my book. Only status is "Current Shipping Status: Unavailable in primary warehouse,being procured from secondary warehouse "

In next email I have asked the address of warehouse where it takes more than a month to source the book. Frankly I am frustrated.                                                              

Make that Right Impression

A trade show or an exhibition and an important question is everyone mind is that how to make that first Impression. Within the large clutter of all companies looking to pull the prospects, it is important that the first step is the right one.

Trade show displays are important not only for the pull but its an ideal platform to display your offerings. How you do it is a simple question which needs to answered like we do for all our problems- Leave it in the hands of experts. Camelbackdisplays is one company where you would get the solution to all your problems. You can not only ask for help but the online catalog can help you to make the choice on your own.

It offer various products like truss which takes care of all your display needs from small to big set up. You would be surprised by the variety of banner stands the company offers in order to make the right statement.

So next time you have a trade show or an exhibition it is important that you do the necessary research to make that right first impression for your would be customers.                                                              

World and the great Oil Saga

While Oil is making the headlines for all the reasons, it has definitely shaken the world. Its not a problem which US is facing alone but economies of world have been brought to their toes in absence of right solution.

Last day was filled by headlines like
President Bush Calls for More Oil Exploration at
Bush Says Saudi Oil Boost `Not Enough' to Ease Prices (Update1)
Saudis protect own interests in oil production
there was things standing out clear and simple- One- we are in a deep problem and second- world has to face it one day or the other.

When we say we are in deep problem its because at this point each country is feeling the heat. Its not only US President running to resolve it but even in India government is facing lot of pressure to control inflation. We have to face it one day because its a non-renewable resource of energy.

While I would not talk of second aspect but first one is problem of our own making. US economy is running toward recession due to subprime and it has its impact all over the world. Its not only the Bear Sterns which has gone bankrupt but it has its feelers around the world. The weak dollar has made the oil costly and has affected economies which is heavily reliant on dollars. Companies are awakening up to this reality of unstable dollar and even have shifted the hedging to euro or more stable currencies.

Now question in mind is where is the solution. well the solution of problem is again adjustment of global economies in time to come. Only thing to watch out is where the balance would tilt- would it be again US or emerging of new powers like China or India.                                                              

Technology Channel at Business.com - What you need to know for your office and business

My small business is working fine but internally i knew that something is missing. Maybe its knowledge of things i should know or the things that's make my decisions more powerful. Always there is a feeling that something can be done in a better way then what I am doing. Internally i knew the solution is over the Internet and i was looking for some place where i can get everything. Its after regular readings and continuous tracking the one site that has stand out is Technology Channel at Business.com .

The format of Technology Channel at Business.com is very simple and appealing. Every morning I have something more to learn about and in-corporate if its fits my business. The knowledge in itself has got enhanced with time that I have started giving advice to my Friends in their hard time. It has comprehensive coverage on business technology which not only restricts its views on how technology can enhance your business but also how one can grow its business via various medium including places to find funding etc. Overall a fit all bill solution and coverage suited for your best needs.

Office technology is another aspect covered in this site which in my words is help offered to seek value for your money. There are so many things to know right from email's to papers to how technology can help you increase the output that it gets missed or hidden in your normal day to day activities. Not only do I but my team mates have started incorporating small little things to their everyday work.

Last but not the least I think their business technology product reviews section offers phenomenal help. Its something which is a small advice not available but needed badly to help you make the right decision. I would suggest to check the same in this site before you go ahead and make decision.

A good site to organized into your favorites.                                                              

Nokia 6110 Navigator

Just happened to see Nokia 6110 Navigator in one of the stall of Nokia. I think the race has started for GPS and nokia is amongst its pioneers. The features were cool but only problem is that how much it is handy while driving. Anyway once you start to use it you would get used to it and since its nokia..........you will have an edge.

Nokia is giving Nokia 6110 Navigator phones free too. Click on some banner to take you to the competition page in Internet or offline you can participate in their contest. Last year I was lucky to get their N-series free and hence I an trying again and again and again.

In nutshell Nokia 6110 Navigator worth a try and if you travel a lot its worth a shot                                                              

MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE

An Email Forward-
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.


I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.


I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?


My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'


What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime.